I don’t want to go to college but I also don’t want to NOT go to college
What I really want is to stop existing but you can’t do that without dying and I don’t want to die either
This is the most accurate post I have ever seen
My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%
NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.
It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.
An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.
So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.
My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.
I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..
What’s next pizza delivery hitmen
This shit is the realest. Not even Pac could of said it better.
Me: That’s it.
Me: *rips off shirt*
Me: That fuckin tears it.
Me: *puts on boxing gloves*
Me: We’re settling this right now.
Me: *puts on mouth guard*
Me: *steps into the ring*
Me: Winner decides what color Eren Jaeger’s fucking eyes are.
close enough (x)
dogs dealing with cats sleeping in their beds
This has to be the cutest and saddest thing
if you need to smile, watch this
So my sister’s out for the day and my sister’s room is completely covered in One Direction posters
So I thought “why not cut out 350 shrek faces
aND MAKE EVERYTHING SHREK”
I PRESENT TO YOU
350 shrek faces
No face left uncovered
Now we wait
MAN DOWN MAN DOWN
This is a thing of beauty
It’s the dedication that makes this joke so funny.
“THEY WERE JUST TEENAGERS” idk man I was a crazy, stupid, reckless, and unstable teenager but not once did I ever get the urge to kidnap, drug, and rape someone